How I Run Effective One-on-Ones With Engineers

When I became an engineering director, the most impactful change I made wasn't technical. It was committing to weekly one-on-ones with my direct reports and never canceling them.

I was skeptical at first. Weekly felt excessive. But within a month, I understood: one-on-ones are where leadership actually happens. They're where you learn what's really going on, build trust, and catch problems before they become crises.

The Format

Over the years, I've settled on a format that works consistently:

30 minutes, weekly, same time. Consistency builds trust. When your report knows they have a guaranteed 30 minutes with you every week, they stop hoarding concerns for Slack messages and email chains.

Their agenda first. The first 15-20 minutes belong to them. What's on their mind? What's blocking them? What do they need from me? I ask, then I listen. Really listen — not waiting for my turn to talk.

My agenda second. The last 10-15 minutes are mine. Feedback I need to give, context I need to share, questions I have about their projects. This is also where I check in on goals and growth.

Notes after, not during. I jot down key points immediately after the meeting, not during. Taking notes during a one-on-one signals that you're documenting rather than connecting.

The Questions That Work

The best one-on-one questions are open-ended and specific enough to avoid "everything's fine" responses:

"What's the most frustrating thing about your work right now?"
"Is there anything you'd change about how our team operates?"
"What's something you learned this week?"
"Do you feel like you're growing in the direction you want?"
"Is there anything I'm doing that's making your job harder?"

That last one is uncomfortable to ask. Ask it anyway. The answers will make you a better leader.

The Trust Flywheel

One-on-ones build trust through a simple cycle:

They share a concern
You act on it (or explain transparently why you can't)
They see that sharing concerns leads to action
They share more openly next time

The key is step 2. If you consistently hear concerns and do nothing, the one-on-one becomes performative. Your reports will stop sharing real information and start giving you the sanitized version.

When someone tells me something is broken, I follow up within a week — even if the follow-up is "I looked into this, here's what I found, here's what I can/can't do about it." The speed of the follow-up matters more than the outcome.

Career Conversations

Once a month, I dedicate one of the four one-on-ones entirely to career development. No project updates, no tactical items — just their growth.

Where do they want to be in a year? Two years?
What skills do they want to develop?
What experiences do they need that they're not getting?
How can I help create opportunities for them?

Engineers who feel invested in stay longer, contribute more, and become the senior leaders your organization needs. These conversations are how you make that investment.

The Mistakes I've Made

Turning one-on-ones into status updates. If I'm asking "what did you work on this week?" I'm wasting their time. That's what standups and sprint reviews are for.

Giving too much advice. Early on, I'd hear a problem and immediately jump to solutions. Now I ask: "What do you think we should do?" Most of the time, they already know. They just need permission to act on it.

Rescheduling too often. Every time you cancel or reschedule a one-on-one, you're signaling that it's not a priority. I block these on my calendar as immovable.

The ROI

I spend roughly 3 hours a week on one-on-ones with my direct reports. It's the highest-ROI time on my calendar. Problems get caught early. Feedback flows in both directions. Team members feel heard and supported.

If you're an engineering leader who doesn't do regular one-on-ones, start this week. It will change how you lead.